Hold Her Hand Too Tight
by colormeagron
Summary: A false hope in their love is all they have, so she's hanging onto it until it becomes the truth.
1. Prologue

Title: Hold Her Hand Too Tight

Part/Chapter: Prologue

Pairing: Faberry

Sub-Pairing: Fapezberry (Friendship), Brittana (Angst)

Type: Romance, Angst

Rating: M

Summary: A false hope in their love is all they have, so she's hanging onto it until it becomes the truth.

**So this is an idea that I've wanted to write for a while now. I know that this is kinda short but, I already have the first chapter written after this. I'll probably upload it sometime this week and we'll see where it goes from there. Hope you guys enjoy :) **

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"We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts... For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth, to know the worst, and to provide for it."

- Patrick Henry

All the noise of the world went unheard as a hand snapped to cover a dry mouth, and the color drained from Rachel's body. A seat. A table. A chair. Anything. She needed something to save her. She needed the weight to be off her feet. The truth needed to be wrong. She needed to drown; she needed to cry she needed to…

Breathe. Her lungs finally filled with air as she gasped making only a single noise since the woman a few feet away told her the news. Letting her eyes close, she pictured the face of her love. Quinn. She saw her smile, her bright hazel eyes and she tried to smile with her. But her mouth wouldn't give. Only sobs broke through the rough, rugged thoughts.

Her Quinn.

She couldn't believe that the world did this. The world that let her sing, the world that gave her Broadway, the world that let her be special. That world was now kicking the wind out of her, making sure she wouldn't get back up.

Strong tan arms wrap around her, rocking her tiny body back and forth as it had so many times before. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry" Rachel didn't understand what for, but she didn't ask. She just cried. Her heart couldn't comprehend words and her mind was too exhausted to try. Minutes passed and the other brunette held her close and soon, with Rachel in her arms, she broke.

"Rachel I…I need you to be strong for her." Her voice cracked, as her body struggled to hold back tears.

Rachel pulled away, opening her eyes to the blurry image before her. Santana was trying hard to keep it together for Rachel, she needed to be a rock, she had always been the rock. Even when scars of the past revealed the difference between her present self and the one of the past; and even when her eyes didn't take on the world anymore and her tongue didn't cut like it used to; Rachel could tell that she was still there. She was still the same Santana protecting the two girls that she loves the most.

"It's going to be okay." Neither girl was sure who said it but it was a lie that begged to be told. The words did little in the eyes of truth but what better comfort than the arms of a false stability. They needed to think that the future was going to be the same as it had always been. The three of them. Rachel, Santana and Quinn.

Rachel's stomach clenched remembering the words that had hung in the air when she stepped foot into the house and her eyes yet again drowned it tears. Shaking her head she continued to deny Santana's words, justifying them with facts that administered a sliver of hope. _They had to be wrong._

Sunlight beamed through the windows and the birds remained silent leaving room for the sounds of numbing pain and heartache while Rachel let her eyes wander the house through her tears. The yellow walls proclaimed the memories that no one would forget. Her and Quinn's memories. Her heart wouldn't let go.

It made her want to stop crying. It reminded her of what they lived for and the years to come that they planned for together. Looking at the walls, Rachel let Santana hold her and she made a promise not to give up. The let the walls protect her from what the world screamed was to late. The yellow seeped into her and gave her the hope that she needed to be strong.

Quinn could overcome cancer. She would come out of it with that smile, that laugh and a beautiful bald head to match. And Rachel would be there loving her.

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**So that was a little taste of the goodness that I hope will continue. Please review and just a question, yay or nay on the writing set up?**

**R.I.P Cory, we love you Frankenteen**


	2. To Fall In Love Truly

Title: Hold Her Hand Too Tight

Part/Chapter: 1

Pairing: Faberry

Type: Romance, Angst

Rating: M

Summary: A false hope in their love is all they have, so she's hanging onto it until it becomes the truth.

**Sorry for the hold up. I totally changed my idea for this chapter so I had to rewrite it with the help of my very lovely girlfriend. This is before the diagnosis. And in an additional effort to apologize for the wait, I give you two chapters. Fluff then a bit of Angst. Enjoy **

"_Come live with me, and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove."_

_- Christopher Marlowe_

"Quinn that's not fair!"

A smirk appeared on her girlfriends face and Rachel felt a sudden rush of regret. "No, Quinn don't you..."

"Life's not fair, is it? You see, I... well, I shall never be king." Blonde hair whips around as Quinn turned, the heavy cardboard box in her hands throwing off her balance a little, ". And you... shall never see the light of another day. Hmm-hmm-hmm, adieu." Rachel rolled her eyes, before fighting against the weight of the boxes to climb the few stairs that stood stand between them. Lifting her head, Quinn answered to her previous words spoken in a much different voice, "Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with your food..."

The brunette pushed her to the side, interrupting her recital, "Quinn Lucy Fabray, if you don't stop quoting The Lion King this instant I will leave you and your shit out here." Breaking her role, Quinn smiled. The love in her heart of Disney Movies has never betrayed her.

"Oh wow look at that, Ms. Rachel Berry has a potty mouth." The blonde passed her girlfriend, balancing the box in one hand while her other fished through her pocket to find a new shiny silver key. "The horrible effect of being around you for so long. And back pocket," the shorter girl smirked and leaned her box against the wall in order take some of the weight off of her hands.

"I knew that. I was hoping that you would get it for me." Rachel stepped into the small and empty New York apartment, after Quinn finds a way to get it open, and set the box beside the wall. "Yes! We're done and finally moved in. Thank Barbra."

Quinn made her way to the fridge, taking out the leftover Chinese noodles that they had for dinner the day before. "I can't believe that you still say that."

"I can't believe that you made me carry all of those boxes upstairs by myself knowing how tiny I am." The brunette stepped into the well lit kitchen and hopped onto the counter top, her legs dangling adorably. "I could have fallen down the stairs, broken something and thus preventing me from attending my audition tomorrow."

"Well _thank Barbra_ that you didn't." Slightly annoyed the singer jumps down from the counter top and onto the floor again before attempting to make her way to the unfurnished living room. Quinn reached an arm out to grab her girlfriend's hand "Baby, come back…" Rachel smiled a little and slowly turned around, as Quinn pulled her into her arms. "Mmm, the melodic sound of you calling me baby". Blushing slightly, the blond girl wrapped her arms around Rachel and made her way to sit down on the couch.

They sat there staring at each other for what seemed to be like hours, but was only 15 minutes. As the girls got comfortable just looking at each other's faces, a thud came from the kitchen. Rachel, startled by the noise, practically fell halfway off her girlfriend's lap when familiar arms snaked around her tiny waist to lift her up. "My mom told me that every time I fall off the couch, my brain cells go insane and die. It's kind of like bug spray for brain cells" Brittany let go of Rachel and kissed her forehead before going over to Quinn to do the same.

Quinn and Rachel shared confusing looks before leaning their faces against the couch to laugh. Standing up, Quinn embraced Brittany, smelling the sweetness of strawberry shampoo in her hair before pulling away. "Hey Britt. Where's Santana?" Lighting up the room with her smile Brittany bounces on her heels, nodding her head in the direction of the door.

"She's coming. She's just bringing up some of the boxes that we got from your place." Her light blue eyes lingered on the door for a moment before they darted back to Quinn then over to Rachel. "Hey Rach," she wraps her arms around her lifting the girl into the air. The relationship between the two had grown and flourished since high school, Rachel never having to worry about being alone again since the friendship began, and Brittany happy to have someone else to call a friend. "I'm so happy that you two are moving in together."

Her feet finally finding the ground again, Rachel hugged Brittany back tightly as the door opened revealing a pair of tan thin legs and three boxes piled high in struggling hands, "Fuck Q, you guys couldn't get an apartment on the ground floor?" Santana set the boxes down, wiping the noticeable sweat from her forehead.

Walking towards her, a smile gradually graced Quinn's features, "oh jeez S, now you sound like this one," her hand motioned in the direction of Rachel before lifting one of the boxes to take it to their bedroom.

She loved calling it that. _Theirs. _Even if it was only in her head.

Setting the box on the floor, Quinn looked around the bare bedroom with a mattress in the center. She couldn't wait for the shopping, and cooking and even the cleaning, though she hated it. She couldn't wait for it to be used and lived in.

"Oh shut up." Santana looked around, walking towards Brittany to peck her lips, wrapping an arm around the dancer's waist and stroking her hip. "I've got to say Q; it's a really nice place you got with Berry here. I'm happy for you guys."

Rachel bit her lip, smiling at Santana's rare sweet words. "Thank you Santana." Quinn's legs took her back into the living room and let her rest on the arm of the only furnishing in the house. "Now," Santana shuffled quickly over to the boxes, and took out a tall unopened glass bottle filled with clear liquid, "How about we celebrate."

Brittany leaves excitedly to look for cups, and Rachel finds a set of arms around her for the second time today. Turning around, she sees that smile that never left Quinn's face. "You know what I was thinking." The brunette shook her head and took the cup filled with a blend of vodka and orange juice that Brittany was handing her. Her nose scrunched up at the strong smell as Quinn eyed the white walls, her arms wrapping around the girl pressed against her, "How about yellow?"


	3. Awful Just To See

Title: Hold Her Hand Too Tight

Part/Chapter: 2

Pairing: Faberry

Type: Romance, Angst

Rating: M

Summary: A false hope in their love is all they have, so she's hanging onto it until it becomes the truth.

**Okay so I have decided that I'm going jump from moment to moment in different chapters in no particular order; just what I feel might fit right as the next moment. Some chapters may follow one after another chronologically and others may jump from 5 years ahead to 6 years before the present. So this will be a ride for all of us but I'm going to do the best that I can with it. **

_By plucking her petals, _

_you do not gather the beauty of the flower. _

_~Rabindrath Tagore_

"UNO! WOO! What is that? Three games in a row guys," Rachel leans back on her knees admiring the final red card that stared back at her. Smiling wide she holds the card closer to her chest in an effort to save it from roaming eyes. "Looks like I'm a pro at this game." She looks around at the rest of the group settled at the glass coffee table in the middle of the living room that she and Quinn shared. Santana: four cards; Puck: six cards; and the love of her life: five

Santana eyed the smaller girl suspiciously. "Berry, I swear your short little dwarf self is cheating. And there is no way that this is your first time playing this game." She rests herself against the couch, laying her remaining cards on the table and picking up the can of Pepsi that was left abandoned throughout the round. "This is the most that I have ever been beaten in one night cause I'm the fucking master at this game. Right Q?" She tilted her head back, drinking the remnants of her soda.

The girl in question nodded her head, her ten cards clutched in her hands, long blonde hair resting on her shoulders. "Yup." Her eyes weren't focused on anything particular, just anything that would her mind busy.

Puck watched Rachel as her excitement slowly fizzled away. He wasn't as close to the girls as he used to be but he knew that Rachel was hurting, just as much as Quinn hurt. Rachel's hand reached out to hold Quinn's and she placed a kiss on her girlfriends the pale cheek. Santana picked up her cards again and broken the silence. "Come on Q, your turn to go. You better have some cards to put Berry back in her place.

Quinn smiled and shuffled through her cards until her thumbs landed on the one that she had in mind, "You better be ready S."

"Oh I am."

Quinn placed down four cards quickly, and Santana and Puck followed suit with their own, each card displaying a perfect "2" with a plus in the corners. Quinn smiled more as her two friends stood and did victory dances as Rachel drew 12 cards with a frown on her face. "You'll win next time baby." She kisses Rachel's head then stands up, crabbing the corner of the coffee table to keep her steady. "Now, I have to pee. And oh…," swiftly she smacks down her final card before leaving the table, heading for the bathroom in the hall, "UNO out. Don't beat her too bad guys."

Blocking out the sounds of excitement from the room beyond the wooden door, Quinn leaned down over the sink to splash water on her face. Her hair cascaded down, forming a wall between her and the rest of the world, before she lifted her head up barely, just to see her reflection in the mirror. The girl starring back at her was distressed and frail. Two hands caressed the cheeks on a face that she could barely recognize. It was drained of color, lacked the tactfully applied strokes of make-up it used to bear and tauntingly diminished the very definition beauty that she had worked so hard to achieve. Quinn hung her head low, tightly closing her eyes to stop her thoughts, and wiped her hands over her face. After drying her hands with the hand towel that was awkwardly placed between the shower and the mirror, Quinn reached for the hair brush on the sparkly brush holder that Rachel placed in the bathroom. The girl couldn't help but smile at the memory of her more than adorable girlfriend with glitter all over her face as she practically poured pounds of "Hollywood cerise" pink all over the dull brush holder. Running the brush felt incredible on her scalp as she let the memory replay in her mind, her lids closing again.

The brushing always helped. On days when the chemo was really bad and on nights where the only time she would move out of bed was to curl over the toilet and her let her insides out, it helped. It made her feel pretty among the hand of ugly cards that life had dealt her.

She ran the brush through her locks a last time while opening her eyes and hazel with a sprinkle of brown freckles landed on clumps of blonde hair that knotted on the brushes bristles. "I..." Cautiously, her fingers danced between the strands that grew from her head, the pads grazing spots where hair used to be. It was happening. She couldn't stop the tears from as her legs gave in and she fell to the tile floor.

_It's real. This is happening to me. _The bathroom's objects looked on at the girl curled in a ball in the middle of its floor; the tile posing no effort to comfort her as the object of her demise lay a few feet away. Muffling her cries, her arms locked around her as if it was the only thing keeping her together. She couldn't lose her hair. She couldn't be bald.

_I can't have cancer._

Tears hit the floor, and all the strength in her broke. Maybe no one would check up on her. She hoped no one would.


End file.
